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Bent on hell and my flesh afire,
I’m destitute of God’s desire.
If I honor Christ in my arrest,
Yes, honor will my heart attest.
Evil shrouds in conceited lust,
Contorting lies as demons must.
Their throat’s guttural dismay,
Live the fade in sick decay.
I lied, I laughed, and then I fell,
It twisted up my ne’er do well.
One last breath, my mortal shame,
Death smacked the Rock I now disdain,
Foamed broken dreams in rocky stacks,
I sit and spit like smoking flax.
I crawl upon the Rock I stood,
I think I never knew I would.
In an unmarked tomb I do belong,
But I live to give, and sing this song,
God’s mercy sucked my darkest hour,
From Satan’s grisly grasp of power.
If I cry, I die and gasp in vain,
If I laugh, I learn to love again,
If I am, I am is sweet refrain,
Such power, such hope within that name.
Just joy, pure peace, with love among,
To pastures green, where life is young,
Deny not a smack across my back,
A son to love God does not lack,
You will tell me what I need to know,
You will direct me where I need to go.
Victories are fought, won, and told,
If I rape His blood, it’s getting old.
Why go, end up on stalwart hour,
Debating myself as greater power?
Nonsense notches upon my belt,
Because as an idiot I knelt.
If I live and die with works intact,
That is my death, a tesseract,
An early grave of peace be still,
To place within my earthly will.
The ketchup in the blood will splatter,
Grace obvious, now seems to matter,
My thoughts are upward momentum,
Works indicate that God has sent them.
Die daily flesh, and feel nonplussed,
Eat my ashes, then bite the dust,
Wicked impalers will be thrusted through,
Disgust bleeds out it’s evil goo.
And godly sorrow will not be cloaked,
Yet I did not slay the man I choked.
I looked up and felt the choker,
Judgment has become my broker,
The judgment I have judged thee with,
Is squeezing out my will to live.
The poker’s brandished within the flame,
The fire’s hot, now it’s post game,
The wriggly grasp of evil’s clutches,
Feels like death to all it touches.
“Touch who you will and who you hate,”
My tormenter says, “Then meet your fate.”
Down I will go, full speed, no stops,
Passing the squalor as I drop,
Ugly temples litter scenes,
On my battle road to victory,
I never even saw it coming,
Was I the one in deed by running,
If I feel this way, I must go on,
I’ll never sing a happy song,
I’ll tear through ugly circumstance,
I’ll crawl on broken glass by chance.
“Oh God Jesus, I danced your song!”
“For my tortured life I have prolonged!”
“Others saved; yes, I made them well!”
“If a brother sinned I warned of hell!”
“Delighted to do it all for You!”
“Delighted to do what I have to do!”
“You may not tell me, ‘No I’m tired.'”
“You cannot stop me, I am inspired!”
“I cut myself, I heard the call!”
“Have I not judged? I will not fall!”
“Silence!” I feel my lip aquiver.
Could this be the one true giver?
Trembling upon the standing floor,
I tally what my lips implore.
Vomit and poison given place,
Now I get to see Christ’s face.
As God cuts the sky with thunder,
I’m left with awe and brutal wonder.
Now I know what I’ve always known,
The judge hears me, yet I’m all alone.
Eyes search for Christ, “Be my advocate!!!”
“My hand was heavy, I’ll admit,”
“If you wanted me know it, I knew.”
“The me that was in me was you!”
But as I looked up, I saw the scene,
I asked the court to reconvene.
Unmitigated, unpretentious, sobbing,
“Who is this,” my heart was throbbing.
I round the corner, I met his eye,
Jesus now looked like He would die.
“I needed a friend,” He speaks His Word.
This is the voice I had not heard.
I wept bitterly with Him and then,
“When did I see you need a friend?”
“You must be lost, You must be frightened!”
“It is now I, that feels enlightened.”
Softly spoken, Jesus knelt and prayed,
Danger has drifted and my thoughts allayed.
Now here I am again on Earth,
With wisdom gained through worldly verse.
A test of time is all it takes,
To spill the guts of past mistakes,
If you hesitate to need a friend,
In this action I must commend.
For I was this very man as well,
When I, upon the rock, I fell.
Pride swallowed up in agony,
Now the vision of the Christ I see,
Is the One with brandished sword,
King of kings, and Lord of lords.
— Gary Stevens
† I am working on an interpretation of this and will update the page once I am done. †
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