“I see,” I said. I thought back to some earlier lessons that God had been teaching me throughout the week. I would get up and sigh. I would ache and grunt. I would stretch and roll my eyes. He told me that I shouldn’t trade my peace for an inner struggle that was only worth about five minutes of protest. In less than five minutes, I typically forget what I am upset about anyway. Nevertheless, these are some of the strong reasons I bring forth for everyday frustration. I also take what God thought was important and make it unimportant. I do God’s will and feel like the conversation didn’t go well, or that I didn’t have the right words. I’d only look at myself, my abilities, my talents, and fail to recognize the LORD who gives the increase. That is to say, I have taken what is sacred, which is extremely important, and trivialized it.
So that’s why God told me I did these two things:
He did not ask in a harsh way, but just in a loving, “I care what you think,” kind of way. He asked me, disarmed me, and comforted me, all in one swift deft movement, and He never once stood as my accuser. I thought about the riddle God posed me. It’s preferred practice to mull it over when God asks a question.
“It’s because this life seems like reality, and heaven does not seem quite so evident.”
“What would happen if I recognized your reality more in my life?”
I thought about that for a long time. I guess I consider myself a friend of Christ, but as God said, I trivialize what is important, and what is important to me, is often trivial in God’s eyes. What could I say? I could be like Simon Peter and speak forth what came to mind (Mat 14:22-28; Mat 16:13-23; Mat 17:1-6), which to me, is always better than silence. Sometimes Peter got a talking to though. So I thought, and thought, and thought. I finally came up with a response.
“God, I am so sorry I don’t see things as they really are. I would be lying if I said that living life only with the truth on my mind seems possible. Not only that, it scares me a little to think about how that would affect me. I wish I had more to offer.” Who was I kidding; it scared me to death!
“I don’t think I would be able to function as a human being. Think about this…. I love my wife, right? I can’t help but feel like I have been blessed to love her beyond ordinary means, that you have loved her through me. You have loved her in a manner that I cannot, yet it is I who live (Gal 2:20). In my flesh, I’m not drawn to this nor do I have any ability to accomplish it.
“Imagine the outcome! So right now when my wife wants money, I love to give it to her. If she asks me to help her with something, I help her. If it is a large task, I help her anyway, even though I have been known to let You know that I am not happy about it. I spend many hours a day with her. If she needed a ride, I would go pick her up, and it probably wouldn’t annoy me. I usually let her know I love her in other ways too, whether a tiny note, or a love poem, or by helping her relax. If I were perfect, there would be many celebrations of the joy she brings me, instead of taking her for granted. It is no greater honor than to love her… BUT! You would love everyone that way! How is that even possible? It’s all I’ve got to love one person that way! I wouldn’t even know where to begin!”
“Okay LORD; I hear. What is it that you would say I trivialize the most?”
“I feel ashamed, concentrating on kicking myself over and over again for what I did, until that’s all I can think about, and then I obsess on it.”
“Best case is, if I do something that I don’t like, I check with You to see whether or not it’s something You like. If it is something I needn’t be worried about, I forget about my false feelings. At that point, I just move forward, and realign myself to your will.” I continued on, “However, if I ask you about something I know I did wrong, I confess it. At that point, You are faithful to forgive me and cleanse me (1 Jo 1:9), so I just move on, as if I never sinned (Psa 103:12).”
“So God, please help me do the second thing.”
Fair enough… so, in answer to your questions… I said you think that things are really important that I think are trivial, and those things are your sins, the moment after you confess them before me. I also said you trivialize what’s really important, and that is forgiveness, son. You beat yourself up constantly, and that just doesn’t work for Me.
I thought about it for a while. “I would love to do what you ask God. Only you have the power to deliver, and I pray that you would!”
